Let me first preface this by saying I know how lucky I am. I know I’m blessed to have any amazing husband, the cutest puppy in the world & the best family and friends a girl could ask for. I know this. And I’m grateful for that. But at this moment in my life, I know that things could certainly get better.
Last week, on Wednesday, I lost my job. I hate that term, because it’s not like I misplaced it. I just hate the alternative, that I was let-go, laid off. Although I’ve known for months that I wasn’t happy and was actively looking for a more fulfilling position, it was still a big shock to hear them say that I was being let go. I was there for two years and even though they weren’t the best, it was still a stable two years. Now, I’m the big U word and it completely terrifies me. I know thousands of people are in the same boat, the economy is still recovering and it’s completely normal, I know that. But I’ve never had this happen to me. I’ve never gone through something like this. It kind of makes me feel like a failure, like I didn’t do enough right. I have 8 hours of my day to myself now to think about what I want to do, what kind of job interests me and when I’m going to apply to graduate school. Real thoughts. It’s not that I didn’t think about this while I was working, but it wasn’t as necessary then. I didn’t HAVE to. Now I’m stuck thinking about my future, OUR future, and it’s kind of overwhelming.
As discouraging as all of this can be, I am trying to look at this situation with a more optimistic lens. I’m trying to be a glass half full person, no matter how hard that may be. So I’m trying to focus on the plus sides of this, the good things that can come from this sabbatical.
One, I get to play with this little furry ball of love every second of the day.
Two, I have time to blog. Which is HUGE. When I was working, I would either write the posts the night before or write them during my lunch break. Although on the days I had time, it worked perfectly. However, working where I did, time for lunch was never a guarantee. I like having time to write without feeling like I’m “cheating” on my work. I know this isn’t permanent, but for the time being, it’s nice to really put time into what I love to do, which is writing.
Third, I can workout!!! This is a huge, huge, HUGE plus. When was working 9-5, I was out of the door by 7:30 and home anytime from 6-7. Working out wasn’t impossible in this time frame, but it also wasn’t ideal. If I woke up early I was always utterly exhausted by 3pm. When I would wait until I got home to work out, I wouldn’t have time to cook, which meant, I wouldn’t have anything to blog about. I know I’m going to have to figure out a proper workout schedule for when I go back to work, but for now, when all I need to do is apply for jobs and write, I workout anywhere from 1-2 hours, 3-4 days a week! I’m working on a very detailed post about my new fitness regime, so you’ll see that next week
Fourth, I get to spend more time on my photography. We got an amazing DSLR for our wedding (see our honeymoon pictures here!) and taking pictures has become more to me than just pointing and shooting. Photography is a true art form and it takes years to really get the handle of what makes a beautiful photograph. But I’m really into it and I’m having fun learning the ins and outs. I’m still very, very novice, but it’s nice to have a hobby that I can really throw myself in when I’m feeling down. Plus, our backyard is perfect for trendy plant photos.
Lastly, I have more time to bake, cook & experiment in the kitchen. The only time I really had to spend playing in the kitchen before was on the weekends. And to be honest? It wasn’t really something I wanted to do after working 45 hours. Although he doesn’t show it, E is quite happy with this new arrangement because dinner is usually ready by the time he gets home. He’s home early from work today, though, so I think I’m going to make the first actual dinner we had at our new place, margherita pizza!
I’m certainly not trying to glorify unemployment, I’m just trying to look at it through a different lens. It’s one of those situations that can swallow you whole if you let it. I’m just trying to get by, day by day, and trying to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing in this life of mine.