Guys, I finally have my post written about my time at COSA with the Giving Lens. It only took 3 weeks, but it’s finally done! I was just waiting on a list of names so I could finalize it! Post will be published tomorrow morning! In the meantime, I thought I’d share something a little decadent this Friday, these dreamy peanut butter lovers cupcakes. Because, Friday.
Friday needs to look like this. It just does. Especially after the weirdly emotional and crazy week I had. My friday needs cupcakes, it just really does. And these aren’t low-fat, healthy or anything of the sort, but they are damn delicious, so that’s reason enough to love them.
I’ve had a hard week. Not because I’ve been overloaded with work or slammed with life obligations, I’m just feeling a little lost. Earlier this year, part of the job that I loved more than anything was cut from the budget. I fell so deeply in love with this part of my life that adjusting to it not being there anymore is really, really hard. I’m not very good at being ambiguous, but I’m not 100% sure I’m able to share all of the details. I still have a great job and I’m doing exactly what I was hired to do 3 years ago. But it’s almost like I’ve back tracked because I was flourishing with this new role and now I’m just back to where I started.
In a way, it’s kind of exciting because it gives me the push I need to start pitching to other outlets. But with that comes something I’m not really used to: rejection. There are hundreds of other writers out there who are far more experienced and more talented than I am. Those people have a voice I’m still trying to find. Those are the people these magazines, websites and papers will hire. I know you’re not a real writer until you’re rejected by everyone you pitch to, but I’m not used to it. I’ve been writing for one publication for three years and I’ve never been professionally rejected before. I’ve always been published.
I know how naive that makes me sound, but it’s just the truth. Rejection is a very scary thing. I put everything I have into what I write and to have it rejected is like I’m being rejected. When I’m told it’s not a good fit or I need to diversity my portfolio, that’s like telling me I don’t fit. I don’t belong. I spent my entire highschool years feeling rejected and like an outsider. And this whole pitching process reminds me of that. It brings me back to those lonely weeknights I’d sit in my room and just cry as I stared out the window. Those feelings of “why don’t I fit in?” “Why am I not good enough?”
This is the point where many people give up. They stop sending pitches or stories and they quit doing what they love because they are rejected. They take it all to heart and give up on their dreams. I’m not ready to do that. I don’t like rejection, I don’t like being told I’m not ready, but I’m also not going to let that stop me from trying anyway. My spirit may be damaged and my hope fleeting, but I’m still holding on to that sliver of optimism that someone will say yes. Sometime will give me the green light to write about whatever I’d like. Maybe that yes will come this week, maybe next year, but I’m not giving up until I get it.
So here’s hoping someone says yes soon. I’m sort of tired of this rejection BS.
Dreamy Peanut Butter Lovers Cupcakes
Yields about 14 cupcakes. Inspired by Two Tarts.
Prep time: About 10 -15 minutes
Bake time: About 22 – 23 minutes
For the cupcakes:
- 1/2 cup brown sugar
- 1/4 cup white sugar
- 1/2 cup whole wheat flour
- 1/4 cup cake flour
- 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
- 3/4 teaspoon baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/2 stick unsalted butter
- 4 tablespoons unsweetened applesauce
- 2 large eggs, room temperature
- 1/2 cup skim Chobani yogurt
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- Dash of salt
For the filling:
- 1/2 cup powdered sugar
- 1/3 cup + 2 tablespoons low fat extra crunchy peanut butter
- 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
- 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
For the frosting:
- 1 cup powdered sugar
- 1 cup low-fat extra crunchy peanut butter*
- 5 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
- 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 2 1/2 tablespoons skim milk
- 2 1/2 tablespoons light cream
- 1/2 – 2/3 cup peanut butter chips (optional)
- Chocolate glaze (optional)
*Sub in creamy if you’d prefer
- Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line a muffin tin with liners and set aside.
- In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat the butter, applesauce and sugars until soft and fluffy. Stir in the eggs, vanilla and yogurt until combined. In a separate bowl, whisk the flours, cocoa powder, baking powder, salt and baking soda together.
- Add the flours to the wet ingredients and mix until fully combined. In another bowl, beat the peanut butter, butter, vanilla and powdered sugar together until creamy. Roll the filling mixture into 12 small balls and place on a baking dish.
- Fill the paper liners 1/4 of the way full with chocolate cupcake batter. Place one peanut butter ball into the center of each one. Top the balls with the remaining cupcake batter.
- Bake for about 19 – 23 minutes, or until they bounce back when touched. Let cool completely before you frost.
- While the cupcakes cool, prepare the frosting. Beat the peanut butter, unsalted butter, vanilla extract, powdered sugar and cream together (until mixture is thick and fluffy).
- Once the cupcakes have cooled, put the peanut butter frosting into a piping bag fitted with a flower tip and frost each one. Top with peanut butter chips and chocolate glaze.
Nutritional information per cupcake:
Fat: 20 grams
Carbohydrates: 40 grams
Fiber: 3 grams
Protein: 8.9 grams
Weight Watchers Points: 9