Cyber Envy: My Food Blogger’s Perspective
PIN IT!Happy Tuesday, folks! Today’s been a so-so day thus far, but a lot of that has to do with what I’m hear to chat about y’all with! Plus, it’s Tuesday. I don’t feel as strong distaste for Tuesday as I do for Monday, but it’s certainly not a favorite.
I mean, who isn’t with me there? So, today, as you can allude from the title, doesn’t bring with it delicious recipes. In fact, we’re going to have a little chatski about something I know every single one of us bloggers feels at one point in our online lives.
CYBER ENVY.
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I read this amazing article on She Knows yesterday about this very topic and got the wheels rolling for me. That article was written for moms but I think cyber envy is something that plagues all of us who spend a lot of time online and who have built large online communities. Like I’ve said before, especially in the food blogging world, it’s hard not to feel envy and jealousy over some of our peer’s success!
This weekend, for example, I really struggled with cyber envy. For one, a lot of my food friends were in Seattle for BlogHer food. So, every-time I opened my phone, I was reminded by tweets, Facebook posts and Instagram pics of how amazing the conference was. Then, I was reminded of all the amazing sponsorships and freebies some bloggers got. It was depressing, to say the least. I hate to admit this but I let those feelings win and felt really down on Sunday, especially.
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It’s really hard not to let it control you. It’s hard not to let amazing photos, other’s success and seemingly perfect lives send you into a spiraling fit of sadness (or straight into a pint of ice cream or bottle of wine). I was feeling crappy this weekend and yesterday, but then I read that article and it all just snapped. One of the biggest points I took away from it was this simple fact: what people post on Facebook, Twitter, blogs and Instagram are their best lives. You aren’t going to see someone post a status saying “My husband and I got into a huge fight over money.” Or “my child is failing at school” or “I’m 10,000 in credit card debt”. You’re going to see photos of their perfect vacation, their child’s little league trophy and a new Kate Spade Bag.
That card sums it up PERFECTLY. Very few people put unappealing, unflattering photos of themselves online. Very few people point out the gaping flaws in their life. No one is perfect. No one. No one’s lives are perfect. People fight with their significant others, they lose their jobs and gain weight and spend more than they should. They go through horrific times. But they aren’t going to write about that online. So when you’re feeling inadequate about someone’s “perfect” post, remember, they aren’t perfect. You’re just seeing the glossy magazine ad of their lives.
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Another important point I struggle with daily is just unplugging and doing something about it. When I start to feel depressed about the state of my own life because of something I see online, I don’t immediately unplug, which is one of my biggest problems. Staring at photos of someone’s amazing vacation isn’t going to make me feel better about the fact I haven’t been on one in a year. Or reading about someones awesome weight loss journey isn’t going to make me magically lose those last 10 pounds. I think one of the most important take-aways of this little diatribe and the article on She Knows is this. If you aren’t happy with your own life and are constantly envious of others, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
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It’s not an easy thing to do, trust me, I struggle. But using that envy and that jealousy to fuel your own passions is one of the best ways to turn those negative feelings into something positive. Sunday night when I was weeping at Instagram because I wasn’t on a sponsored vacation on a resort, I got up and made cupcakes. I turned those sad, jealous, crippling envious feelings into something delicious. Cooking and crafting, for me, are my outlets. When I’m sad, angry or bummed, I bake or create something delicious on the stove. Or, I grab some ribbon or spoons and make something beautiful. I try my very best to turn those feelings into something that will make my life better.
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I’m not perfect in how i deal with cyber envy, but like I said, no one is! I just try each day to use those negative, loathing feelings towards bettering myself and bettering my life. All you can do is try to live your very best, happiest and most perfectly imperfect life. You don’t get the chance to wake up in someone else’s body and why the heck would you?
This sums up everything and more.
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The only thing standing in the way of you and your dream life is you! So smash those stupid feelings of envy and make it happen!
With all of that said (perhaps this should've been in an email to you? I feel very vulnerable for saying all this!), I like how you said we need to do something if we aren't happy. I started reading The Happiness Project and "do something about it" is becoming a common theme. I'm finally doing something about it and focusing more on my life and career out here. It's not fair to myself to be unhappy if I'm not doing anything to change it.
With all of that said (perhaps this should've been in an email to you? I feel very vulnerable for saying all this!), I like how you said we need to do something if we aren't happy. I started reading The Happiness Project and "do something about it" is becoming a common theme. I'm finally doing something about it and focusing more on my life and career out here. It's not fair to myself to be unhappy if I'm not doing anything to change it.
I am quite amazed that people feel this strongly about it. If I see a nice blog, I simply think that it's a nice blog, I may utilise it, I may not and then I sign up or move on... but to be envious? Envious of other people's blogs? I obviously cannot deny it exists and we probably go back to the fact that my blog is simply and only a pastime and is not even remotely a primary focus in my life, working only in that aspect as a portfolio for the occasions when I don't have my actual portfolio on me so the number of people that sign up to my blog, that comment on it, that read it aren't important. If someone else has more readers, good for them - hopefully they have good enough content to deserve it and are not simply one of the 'spammy' types that plead desperately for others to like them rather than concentrating on actually making their work likeable - now THAT is something that gets my goat!
This is bizarre to me and I guess I never really considered it. I've seen sabotage, bitchiness and some real underhand shit go down but, to be honest in my naivete, I never connected the two.
I am quite amazed that people feel this strongly about it. If I see a nice blog, I simply think that it's a nice blog, I may utilise it, I may not and then I sign up or move on... but to be envious? Envious of other people's blogs? I obviously cannot deny it exists and we probably go back to the fact that my blog is simply and only a pastime and is not even remotely a primary focus in my life, working only in that aspect as a portfolio for the occasions when I don't have my actual portfolio on me so the number of people that sign up to my blog, that comment on it, that read it aren't important. If someone else has more readers, good for them - hopefully they have good enough content to deserve it and are not simply one of the 'spammy' types that plead desperately for others to like them rather than concentrating on actually making their work likeable - now THAT is something that gets my goat!
This is bizarre to me and I guess I never really considered it. I've seen sabotage, bitchiness and some real underhand shit go down but, to be honest in my naivete, I never connected the two.
As someone who works in advertising let me also assure you that the most beautiful, stick-thin models with perfect hair and flawless skin DO NOT LOOK LIKE THAT. I've been forced to do so much retouching to one model that her own mother wouldn't have recognized her. And when the client was confronted about his retouching demands he responded by telling us that he's not selling reality, he's selling fantasy.
Didn't I already advise you to go volunteer at a soup kitchen? :)
As someone who works in advertising let me also assure you that the most beautiful, stick-thin models with perfect hair and flawless skin DO NOT LOOK LIKE THAT. I've been forced to do so much retouching to one model that her own mother wouldn't have recognized her. And when the client was confronted about his retouching demands he responded by telling us that he's not selling reality, he's selling fantasy.
Didn't I already advise you to go volunteer at a soup kitchen? :)
[bear soul] I do fear rejection because I'm a lot older than everyone else. Older people become invisible and therefore irrelevent and that scares me. Maybe I have youth envy.[/]
[bear soul] I do fear rejection because I'm a lot older than everyone else. Older people become invisible and therefore irrelevent and that scares me. Maybe I have youth envy.[/]