Cyber Envy: My Food Blogger’s Perspective

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Happy Tuesday, folks! Today’s been a so-so day thus far, but a lot of that has to do with what I’m hear to chat about y’all with! Plus, it’s Tuesday. I don’t feel as strong distaste for Tuesday as I do for Monday, but it’s certainly not a favorite.

Funny Workplace Ecard: I'd rather enter the Hunger Games than enter the office on Mondays.

I mean, who isn’t with me there? So, today, as you can allude from the title, doesn’t bring with it delicious recipes. In fact, we’re going to have a little chatski about something I know every single one of us bloggers feels at one point in our online  lives.

CYBER ENVY. 

[via Pinterest]

I read this amazing article on She Knows yesterday about this very topic and got the wheels rolling for me. That article was written for moms but I think cyber envy is something that plagues all of us who spend a lot of time online and who have built large online communities. Like I’ve said before, especially in the food blogging world, it’s hard not to feel envy and jealousy over some of our peer’s success!

This weekend, for example, I really struggled with cyber envy. For one, a lot of my food friends were in Seattle for BlogHer food. So, every-time I opened my phone, I was reminded by tweets, Facebook posts and Instagram pics of how amazing the conference was. Then, I was reminded of all the amazing sponsorships and freebies some bloggers got. It was depressing, to say the least. I hate to admit this but I let those feelings win and felt really down on Sunday, especially.

[via Pinterest]

It’s really hard not to let it control you. It’s hard not to let amazing photos, other’s success and seemingly perfect lives send you into a spiraling fit of sadness (or straight into a pint of ice cream or bottle of wine). I was feeling crappy this weekend and yesterday, but then I read that article and it all just snapped. One of the biggest points I took away from it was this simple fact: what people post on Facebook, Twitter, blogs and Instagram are their best lives. You aren’t going to see someone post a status saying “My husband and I got into a huge fight over money.” Or “my child is failing at school” or “I’m 10,000 in credit card debt”. You’re going to see photos of their perfect vacation, their child’s little league trophy and a new Kate Spade Bag.

That card sums it up PERFECTLY. Very few people put unappealing, unflattering photos of themselves online. Very few people point out the gaping flaws in their life. No one is perfect. No one. No one’s lives are perfect. People fight with their significant others, they lose their jobs and gain weight and spend more than they should. They go through horrific times. But they aren’t going to write about that online. So when you’re feeling inadequate about someone’s “perfect” post, remember, they aren’t perfect. You’re just seeing the glossy magazine ad of their lives.

[via Pinterest]

Another important point I struggle with daily is just unplugging and doing something about it. When I start to feel depressed about the state of my own life because of something I see online, I don’t immediately unplug, which is one of my biggest problems. Staring at photos of someone’s amazing vacation isn’t going to make me feel better about the fact I haven’t been on one in a year. Or reading about someones awesome weight loss journey isn’t going to make me magically lose those last 10 pounds. I think one of the most important take-aways of this little diatribe and the article on She Knows is this. If you aren’t happy with your own life and are constantly envious of others, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Motivational quote motivational

[via Pinterest]

It’s not an easy thing to do, trust me, I struggle. But using that envy and that jealousy to fuel your own passions is one of the best ways to turn those negative feelings into something positive. Sunday night when I was weeping at Instagram because I wasn’t on a sponsored vacation on a resort, I got up and made cupcakes. I turned those sad, jealous, crippling envious feelings into something delicious. Cooking and crafting, for me, are my outlets. When I’m sad, angry or bummed, I bake or create something delicious on the stove. Or, I grab some ribbon or spoons and make something beautiful. I try my very best to turn those feelings into something that will make my life better.

Motivational quote motivational

[via Pinterest]

I’m not perfect in how i deal with cyber envy, but like I said, no one is! I just try each day to use those negative, loathing feelings towards bettering myself and bettering my life. All you can do is try to live your very best, happiest and most perfectly imperfect life. You don’t get the chance to wake up in someone else’s body and why the heck would you?

This sums up everything and more.

[via Pinterest]

The only thing standing in the way of you and your dream life is you! So smash those stupid feelings  of envy and make it happen!

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Comments

  1. Posted by Kelly on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Love this!  I can totally relate! :)
  2. Posted by Kelly on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Love this!  I can totally relate! :)
  3. Posted by Rachel Cooks on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Great post. Envy is such an easy thing to let creep into our lives. Thanks for the reminders!
    • Posted by Claire Gallam10 on
      Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
      Thanks Rachel! Just doing what works for me, hopefully it inspires others!
  4. Posted by Rachel Cooks on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Great post. Envy is such an easy thing to let creep into our lives. Thanks for the reminders!
    • Posted by Claire Gallam10 on
      Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
      Thanks Rachel! Just doing what works for me, hopefully it inspires others!
  5. Posted by Alicia French on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Amen. Now let's unplug on a beach with a bottle of wine. 
  6. Posted by Alicia French on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Amen. Now let's unplug on a beach with a bottle of wine. 
  7. Posted by Jessica Lynn on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Claire, you're so completely right. I love your blog because you're real (and you post tasty recipes)! I'm honestly green with cyber envy over your job (you're doing what I want to do!) and the way you always let your readers get to know you more than the average blogger. With that said, I'm on the other side of envy since I'm in Italy. People see my life as one big wine fest and never-ending-pasta-bowl adventure. You're totally right about everyone posting the "best" part of our lives. I snap pictures of our travels and delicious food, but I don't (or haven't yet) posted the countless boring hours I waste sitting at home, because I can't work out here (because of the law), because Italy shuts down each day for about five hours, and because my husband is about to leave for half a year. People just don't want a pity-party, ya know?

    With all of that said (perhaps this should've been in an email to you? I feel very vulnerable for saying all this!), I like how you said we need to do something if we aren't happy. I started reading The Happiness Project and "do something about it" is becoming a common theme. I'm finally doing something about it and focusing more on my life and career out here. It's not fair to myself to be unhappy if I'm not doing anything to change it.
    • Posted by Claire Gallam10 on
      Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
      Awwwww!! I loved your comment, Jessica!! Trust me, it's something we all feel! don't feel vulnerable for that, it's what makes us HUMAN!
  8. Posted by Jessica Lynn on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Claire, you're so completely right. I love your blog because you're real (and you post tasty recipes)! I'm honestly green with cyber envy over your job (you're doing what I want to do!) and the way you always let your readers get to know you more than the average blogger. With that said, I'm on the other side of envy since I'm in Italy. People see my life as one big wine fest and never-ending-pasta-bowl adventure. You're totally right about everyone posting the "best" part of our lives. I snap pictures of our travels and delicious food, but I don't (or haven't yet) posted the countless boring hours I waste sitting at home, because I can't work out here (because of the law), because Italy shuts down each day for about five hours, and because my husband is about to leave for half a year. People just don't want a pity-party, ya know?

    With all of that said (perhaps this should've been in an email to you? I feel very vulnerable for saying all this!), I like how you said we need to do something if we aren't happy. I started reading The Happiness Project and "do something about it" is becoming a common theme. I'm finally doing something about it and focusing more on my life and career out here. It's not fair to myself to be unhappy if I'm not doing anything to change it.
    • Posted by Claire Gallam10 on
      Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
      Awwwww!! I loved your comment, Jessica!! Trust me, it's something we all feel! don't feel vulnerable for that, it's what makes us HUMAN!
  9. Posted by Erika on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    What a great post.. I know many folks can relate... The Food Photos are what get me.. : ) 
  10. Posted by Erika on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    What a great post.. I know many folks can relate... The Food Photos are what get me.. : ) 
  11. Posted by Jessica Trimble on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    That very last picture says it all! And you're right, it's hard to see the other folks with all their amazing bags and shoes and lives. Cyber envy is tough!
  12. Posted by Jessica Trimble on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    That very last picture says it all! And you're right, it's hard to see the other folks with all their amazing bags and shoes and lives. Cyber envy is tough!
  13. Posted by kjpugs on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    It's so interesting that you posted this, since I was feeling this BAD this weekend. I missed a dear friend's wedding. It was the middle of our whole moving debacle, and she didn't come to mine, so I didn't feel bad. Until... I saw the pictures. Somehow my SISTER and her fiance managed to come. And multiple other people farther away than me. Yes, our circumstances might be different but I was bumming. Because I wanted to be there and I cyber-stalked and saw all the fun I missed out on. Everything else I get it, but when I see things I miss out on (like you were saying with the conference) it just is salt in a wound to me. I guess I just have to be ultra-successful so I can afford that stuff in the future!!!!
  14. Posted by kjpugs on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    It's so interesting that you posted this, since I was feeling this BAD this weekend. I missed a dear friend's wedding. It was the middle of our whole moving debacle, and she didn't come to mine, so I didn't feel bad. Until... I saw the pictures. Somehow my SISTER and her fiance managed to come. And multiple other people farther away than me. Yes, our circumstances might be different but I was bumming. Because I wanted to be there and I cyber-stalked and saw all the fun I missed out on. Everything else I get it, but when I see things I miss out on (like you were saying with the conference) it just is salt in a wound to me. I guess I just have to be ultra-successful so I can afford that stuff in the future!!!!
  15. Posted by Mudmama on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Before pinterest, blogs and facebook i read a very similar bit of advice relating to "real" life jealousy in The Artists Way by Julia Cameron. It said that jealousy was a sign that you need to do something in your own life. The net can magnify and speed up all sorts of ideas and emotions and reading this was a good reminder to get out and do something!!!
  16. Posted by Mudmama on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Before pinterest, blogs and facebook i read a very similar bit of advice relating to "real" life jealousy in The Artists Way by Julia Cameron. It said that jealousy was a sign that you need to do something in your own life. The net can magnify and speed up all sorts of ideas and emotions and reading this was a good reminder to get out and do something!!!
  17. Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    You are SO RIGHT. Love this post Claire. And yes, we all get cyber envy, that is 100% true.  It's what we do with it that matters. I love this! 
  18. Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    You are SO RIGHT. Love this post Claire. And yes, we all get cyber envy, that is 100% true.  It's what we do with it that matters. I love this! 
  19. Posted by Elliot S Volkman on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Weird - I get  all my best Facebook comments when I post an update explaining how badly I screwed something up.
  20. Posted by Elliot S Volkman on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Weird - I get  all my best Facebook comments when I post an update explaining how badly I screwed something up.
  21. Posted by Alexis on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    wow! Loved this post. I just started following you and for sure I'll continue. This is exactly how I was feeling this weekend about "real" life people in my sphere of influence. Goodness. Thank you for your look on it and a pick me up that I really needed!
    • Posted by Claire Gallam10 on
      Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
      Thank you Alexis!! I'm glad I could help!
  22. Posted by Alexis on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    wow! Loved this post. I just started following you and for sure I'll continue. This is exactly how I was feeling this weekend about "real" life people in my sphere of influence. Goodness. Thank you for your look on it and a pick me up that I really needed!
    • Posted by Claire Gallam10 on
      Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
      Thank you Alexis!! I'm glad I could help!
  23. Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Love this post, and so very true.  Not just for the food bloggers, but the craft ones.  I know I struggle with this a lot, especially since my blog is new.  I always see a "better post" or "better idea" than what I have.  These are good reminders.  Thank you.
    • Posted by Claire Gallam10 on
      Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
      Thank you Rod and Lauren. I think it's relevant for really any bloggers, you know? Or just people in general. Just gotta overlook it and do your best to make your craft the best you can, ya know?
  24. Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Love this post, and so very true.  Not just for the food bloggers, but the craft ones.  I know I struggle with this a lot, especially since my blog is new.  I always see a "better post" or "better idea" than what I have.  These are good reminders.  Thank you.
    • Posted by Claire Gallam10 on
      Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
      Thank you Rod and Lauren. I think it's relevant for really any bloggers, you know? Or just people in general. Just gotta overlook it and do your best to make your craft the best you can, ya know?
  25. Posted by Juls on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    I can honestly say I have never, ever felt this 'cyber envy'.  I would say that it's perhaps because I'm training to be a professional so the blog is my pastime and not my focus, but I know you're going to start training soon yourself.
    I am quite amazed that people feel this strongly about it.  If I see a nice blog, I simply think that it's a nice blog, I may utilise it, I may not and then I sign up or move on... but to be envious? Envious of other people's blogs?  I obviously cannot deny it exists and we probably go back to the fact that my blog is simply and only a pastime and is not even remotely a primary focus in my life, working only in that aspect as a portfolio for the occasions when I don't have my actual portfolio on me so the number of people that sign up to my blog, that comment on it, that read it aren't important.  If someone else has more readers, good for them - hopefully they have good enough content to deserve it and are not simply one of the 'spammy' types that plead desperately for others to like them rather than concentrating on actually making their work likeable - now THAT is something that gets my goat!
    This is bizarre to me and I guess I never really considered it.  I've seen sabotage, bitchiness and some real underhand shit go down but, to be honest in my naivete, I never connected the two.
  26. Posted by Juls on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    I can honestly say I have never, ever felt this 'cyber envy'.  I would say that it's perhaps because I'm training to be a professional so the blog is my pastime and not my focus, but I know you're going to start training soon yourself.
    I am quite amazed that people feel this strongly about it.  If I see a nice blog, I simply think that it's a nice blog, I may utilise it, I may not and then I sign up or move on... but to be envious? Envious of other people's blogs?  I obviously cannot deny it exists and we probably go back to the fact that my blog is simply and only a pastime and is not even remotely a primary focus in my life, working only in that aspect as a portfolio for the occasions when I don't have my actual portfolio on me so the number of people that sign up to my blog, that comment on it, that read it aren't important.  If someone else has more readers, good for them - hopefully they have good enough content to deserve it and are not simply one of the 'spammy' types that plead desperately for others to like them rather than concentrating on actually making their work likeable - now THAT is something that gets my goat!
    This is bizarre to me and I guess I never really considered it.  I've seen sabotage, bitchiness and some real underhand shit go down but, to be honest in my naivete, I never connected the two.
  27. Posted by Juls on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    I, obviously, feel jealous of people I know IRL.  Having had huge health setbacks I'm just starting my further education whilst others my age are progressing up their career ladders and buying houses etc but I think since I started involving myself in online communities, I've always separated the two completely. Even the online friends that are now more IRL friends live in a different mental category.  To me, comparing yourself to something or someone online is as pointless as comparing your stuff to a magazine.
  28. Posted by Juls on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    I, obviously, feel jealous of people I know IRL.  Having had huge health setbacks I'm just starting my further education whilst others my age are progressing up their career ladders and buying houses etc but I think since I started involving myself in online communities, I've always separated the two completely. Even the online friends that are now more IRL friends live in a different mental category.  To me, comparing yourself to something or someone online is as pointless as comparing your stuff to a magazine.
  29. Posted by Clare on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Thank you for this post. Especially now in a time of unemployment, I feel a HUGE amount of envy. About everything. People's trips. People's awesome jobs. People buying homes and having babies, etc ,etc. And then on top of it I have nothing to blog about (since my life is kind of blah right now) so I get blog envy too! Wishing that I had interesting things to talk about or come up with. On the other hand, I have had people tell me they wish they were in my shoes because they'd love to have a ton of free time and an opportunity to start fresh in the working world. I guess the grass is always greener..we just need a reminder about that! 
  30. Posted by Clare on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Thank you for this post. Especially now in a time of unemployment, I feel a HUGE amount of envy. About everything. People's trips. People's awesome jobs. People buying homes and having babies, etc ,etc. And then on top of it I have nothing to blog about (since my life is kind of blah right now) so I get blog envy too! Wishing that I had interesting things to talk about or come up with. On the other hand, I have had people tell me they wish they were in my shoes because they'd love to have a ton of free time and an opportunity to start fresh in the working world. I guess the grass is always greener..we just need a reminder about that! 
  31. Posted by Stephsbitebybite on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Such a great post! I'm totally guilty of cyber envy and it puts me in to these awful funks too. Now I have a few ways to help put it in perspective!
  32. Posted by Stephsbitebybite on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Such a great post! I'm totally guilty of cyber envy and it puts me in to these awful funks too. Now I have a few ways to help put it in perspective!
  33. Posted by Stefanie @ Sarcastic Cooking on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Great post. It is so true sometimes in the food blogging community to feel jealous or envious especially since there are soo many great food blogs out there. I too, shared your envy while everybody was at BlogHer food. It is easy to get distracted from the real reason we do what we do. So when I find myself feeling envious I just try and bring myslef back to that reason. I do this because it makes me happy and I have a true passion for it. That is what we should focus on instead of comparing ourselves to others. Thanks for the little boost all of us bloggers need every once in a while!
  34. Posted by Stefanie @ Sarcastic Cooking on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Great post. It is so true sometimes in the food blogging community to feel jealous or envious especially since there are soo many great food blogs out there. I too, shared your envy while everybody was at BlogHer food. It is easy to get distracted from the real reason we do what we do. So when I find myself feeling envious I just try and bring myslef back to that reason. I do this because it makes me happy and I have a true passion for it. That is what we should focus on instead of comparing ourselves to others. Thanks for the little boost all of us bloggers need every once in a while!
  35. Posted by Ashlee Christopher on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    OMG hahah thank you so so so much for this post I feel the same way so often! It's so easy to see all the amazing things you all do on here makes me jelly!
  36. Posted by Ashlee Christopher on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    OMG hahah thank you so so so much for this post I feel the same way so often! It's so easy to see all the amazing things you all do on here makes me jelly!
  37. Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Of course, people portray their lives as perfect online - that's a given.  If I see photos of someone's amazing vacation I do assume it was probably an amazing vacation but it was just a little slice of perfect in an otherwise imperfect life.

    As someone who works in advertising let me also assure you that the most beautiful, stick-thin models with perfect hair and flawless skin DO NOT LOOK LIKE THAT.  I've been forced to do so much retouching to one model that her own mother wouldn't have recognized her.  And when the client was confronted about his retouching demands he responded by telling us that he's not selling reality, he's selling fantasy.

    Didn't I already advise you to go volunteer at a soup kitchen? :)
  38. Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    Of course, people portray their lives as perfect online - that's a given.  If I see photos of someone's amazing vacation I do assume it was probably an amazing vacation but it was just a little slice of perfect in an otherwise imperfect life.

    As someone who works in advertising let me also assure you that the most beautiful, stick-thin models with perfect hair and flawless skin DO NOT LOOK LIKE THAT.  I've been forced to do so much retouching to one model that her own mother wouldn't have recognized her.  And when the client was confronted about his retouching demands he responded by telling us that he's not selling reality, he's selling fantasy.

    Didn't I already advise you to go volunteer at a soup kitchen? :)
  39. Posted by Emily @ Life on Food on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    You hit on so many good points...points I know are true but forget about in the heat of the moment.  Thanks for the reminder.
  40. Posted by Emily @ Life on Food on
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
    You hit on so many good points...points I know are true but forget about in the heat of the moment.  Thanks for the reminder.
  41. Posted by Bev Weidner on
    Wednesday, June 13th, 2012
    A-M-E-N. 
  42. Posted by Bev Weidner on
    Wednesday, June 13th, 2012
    A-M-E-N. 
  43. Posted by Jennifer @ Mother Thyme on
    Wednesday, June 13th, 2012
    Awesome post, thank you!  I totally felt the same way about not going to Seattle.  I'm glad to see I'm not alone in feeling this way.  :)   
  44. Posted by Jennifer @ Mother Thyme on
    Wednesday, June 13th, 2012
    Awesome post, thank you!  I totally felt the same way about not going to Seattle.  I'm glad to see I'm not alone in feeling this way.  :)   
  45. Thursday, June 14th, 2012
    Like you said, this happens to everyone! I find when I start getting too pulled in, I force myself to unplug, get outside and count my blessings. I try my best to be real on my blog (though in real life I am usually a pretty happy person) and not act like I have all the answers. I know I like people and blogs that are real and relatable.
  46. Thursday, June 14th, 2012
    Like you said, this happens to everyone! I find when I start getting too pulled in, I force myself to unplug, get outside and count my blessings. I try my best to be real on my blog (though in real life I am usually a pretty happy person) and not act like I have all the answers. I know I like people and blogs that are real and relatable.
  47. Posted by Anna @ hiddenponies on
    Thursday, June 14th, 2012
    Well said!! I found you through Cassie's blog and LOVE this - I was having some of the same feelings when I couldn't be in Seattle...needed to read this :)
  48. Posted by Anna @ hiddenponies on
    Thursday, June 14th, 2012
    Well said!! I found you through Cassie's blog and LOVE this - I was having some of the same feelings when I couldn't be in Seattle...needed to read this :)
  49. Thursday, June 14th, 2012
    Wow, you really could not have said this better. Thanks for sticking reality back into my face :)
  50. Thursday, June 14th, 2012
    Wow, you really could not have said this better. Thanks for sticking reality back into my face :)
  51. Posted by Maureen on
    Friday, June 15th, 2012
     One good thing to remember is that the older you get, the less others do or have is important.  I know because I'm old.  :)  Yes, I still look at Nami's photos from justonecookbook or Jean from lemonsandanchovies and wish I could do that but I don't lose sleep over it.

    [bear soul] I do fear rejection because I'm a lot older than everyone else.  Older people become invisible and therefore irrelevent and that scares me.  Maybe I have youth envy.[/]
  52. Posted by Maureen on
    Friday, June 15th, 2012
     One good thing to remember is that the older you get, the less others do or have is important.  I know because I'm old.  :)  Yes, I still look at Nami's photos from justonecookbook or Jean from lemonsandanchovies and wish I could do that but I don't lose sleep over it.

    [bear soul] I do fear rejection because I'm a lot older than everyone else.  Older people become invisible and therefore irrelevent and that scares me.  Maybe I have youth envy.[/]
  53. Tuesday, June 26th, 2012
    This is a beautiful post, and very well written. It is definitely sommething I needed to read as well. It's so easy to get caught up in this stuff - I loved your advice to simply unplug and do something about it. Wonderful :)